I came to a profound realization while cleaning my room: My online persona and the real me are two completely different people; and I feel like an absolute fraud.
While cleaning out my closets, putting things in my Poshmark store, I realized the majority of the items I had, I wouldn’t wear again. As I grabbed endless piles of clothing for the sale, I slowly realized I was purchasing items because I thought they were what people wanted me to wear, not what I actually wanted to wear.
I then had a long sit down with myself that lasted on and off 3 weeks. I wanted to not only discover my personal style all over again but foster it into innovation for the plus size community. So as I dug through various online searches I came to the realization that edgy chic is my niche. It’s what brings me the most joy.
And now that I really thought about it, it makes perfect sense. I’m just a doofus who doesn’t understand herself. I’m such an Aquarius, I swear. I grew up in the Kurt Cobain alternative era of the 90’s. I had my first kiss listening to Slipknot. I walked down the aisle to Metallica. My ringtone is the Wonder Woman theme song. My favorite quote is from Frida Khalo – “I am not fragile like a flower. I am fragile like a bomb”. The majority of my wardrobe would not convey this.
So, fast forward 13 years, I’m all grown up, became a mom and a wife. And somewhere in the ruckus of life, I genuinely forgot who I was. I forgot that I body surfed at Planetfest 2004. I forgot that I literally pierced my own nose when I was 10, 12, and 15. I completely forgot who I was.
Being 100% open and honest, it’s been hard to share who I actually am with you all. I am full of information regarding my craft, but who I actually am as a person most of you wouldn’t know. And I’ve been trying to be this person that I thought people wanted me to be. For example, I could care less about brunch. Don’t get me wrong, I love food. But getting all dressed up to day drink on Saturday in boujee clothes isn’t all that fun to me. Or another example, designer items. I like designer items but I prefer vintage or handmade items. In my travels these past 2 years I’ve been looking at local high end boutiques and high end stores, because I thought it’s what people wanted to see. But truthfully, I’d rather scour their cities goodwill and consignment shops. I genuinely love finding a bargain.
I was raised to be thrifty with your money. To this day, every year on my Mom’s birthday, she buys herself a cheap vanilla cake that is expired or about to expire because they’re discounted to sell fast. She was raised dirt floor poor. I was fortunate not to be poor but we weren’t far from it.
As I look at myself now, trying to show off all these high end items I’ve procured, I’m genuinely just sad. I’m sad that I’ve become so vain, just trying to keep up with the Jones’s if you will. I like nice things, but my life never has and never will revolve around them.
What this means is my aesthetic and content will be changing. I’ll still be promoting plus size fashion. That will never change. But what kind of fashion and style is what will change. I know many of you follow me for my personal style, so if you leave, I completely understand. I have to be genuine in who I am and share that with the world. For those that do decide to stay and see what I have to offer, I’m looking forward to sharing this with you.
“This above all, to thine own self be true” – William Shakespeare
Hugs, Kisses, and All That Jazz,